A Rare Moment...

     We are at a rare moment in time, in many ways. Thanks to a quirk in the calendar, this past month saw two full moons. The second in the month is traditionally known as a "blue moon.' February, too, is often viewed as a month when the "blues or blahs" take hold. But not even there yet as I write this column, I am already leaping ahead to the month of March, and find that on the anniversary of Kristina’s death (March 31st) there is yet a second full and possibly very "blue" moon.

     On the other hand many believe that the full moon marks a good time for beginning projects and launching into new territory. Even our nighttime hours seem filled with light and energy when the full moon shines.

     Living in the country in a house without curtains, the light of a full moon usually wakes me. But most city dwellers can also attest to having lived the line -- "the light on the crest of the new fallen snow gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below". The moon, that mysterious being, in her fullness calls us to live. Life calls us to live, despite the pain of our loss.

     We spent a very quiet holiday season this year with time to talk about and ponder our life as a family that has lost one of its members. That, in itself, was a very meaningful and treasured experience. But as the old year passed and we entered the final year before the new millenium, I suddenly realized that this would be the last year that I would live within the century and millenium in which Kristina was born, lived and died. The year 2000 will bring a huge demarcation in our family’s grief experience. And so the question arises: how do we mark that?

     It seems to me that these "blue" yet very full moons have something to teach all of us about our journey towards the new millenium. While grief bring us to the center of our soul’s pain of loss, like the moon it can also give us the energy to forge our way in new directions. And so I ask, "What gift would I like to offer to the new millenium that my child’s life has given to me?"

     As bereaved parents, we have known the best of life and the worst of loss. And as this century and millenium close, I’d like to suggest that perhaps our task is to close just even one of the doors on our grief experience and in so doing, open another to life.

     What was it about the spirit and lives of our children that continues to enrapture us? What fit did they bring to our lives that we would like to emulate and take forward with us to the new millenium? Think about it. You still have time. There is almost a whole year left to search for the answer.

Susan Hendricks