A Symbol of Hope

     Fly! Fly! Fly! The leaves are leaving the branch. Cold are the days. Winter is coming. These are the words to a song performed by Libana from the album, The Circle is Cast. Many of us despair as Fall announces the advent of winter. Often we feel the death of our children most acutely when nature mirrors the contents of our soul.

     Over the years, in this column, we’ve used the particular season in which the newsletter has been published as the theme for this piece on grief. But sometimes in our grief it helps to get outside of the particular and embrace a more global understanding. Just as the seasons change so very slowly, grief is a gradual process with barely perceptible changes. It is only in looking back and reviewing all the seasons of our grief that we become aware of how we have grown and changed.

     The cycle of grief is predictable and relentless: we will move through highs and lows, feelings able to embrace life one day, then overtaken once again by the pain of the death of our child. And like the weather, there may be significant changes within the rhythm of the year with nuances of hot and cold that are unique to each one. But the cycle has a life of its own.

     At this Bereavement Ontario Network Conference in Orillia this year, Barbara Cohlmeyer reminded those in attendance that the passage of the seasons can be a symbol of hope for grieving people if we dare to see that each season can bring us something that moves us inwardly to inspiration. Those of us who have lost children look back to springs and summers, so full of life and potential. These were the days of warmth and love, of happy memories watching our children grow - whether this was within the womb or continued beyond, into life within a family. As fall approaches, we reflect back on those glory days, yet begin to ponder what is to come. Winter brings the cold, dark forces into play. We hibernate and wait for the return of the warm weather and reflect on what was. In the winter of our grief, we may feel trapped, snowbound and unable to get out of this house of mourning. Yet it invites times of deepest introspection. And in the dark, empty place that marks the part of us where their presence touched us, we find life, for our spirit is enhanced for having known them.

     The grief journey moves in harmony with the passage of the seasons. The wheel turns again and again. Nothing dies forever. Nature is the Renewer. The spiral of life includes death. The spiral of death includes life. We are assured that despair will one day give way to new life for the elemental forces of nature tell us so. Just as nature’s passage reminds us of the sustainability of Mother Earth, the seasons of our grief demonstrate to us our ability to endure, rework and reweave our lives, the lives of our loved ones and the world.

Susan Hendricks

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