Hot and Cold

     The weather has been unpredictable this winter, one day warm and well above the average temperature, the next day dipping to extreme low with wind chill factors that make us feel like we’re in the Arctic. As I lie awake in bed pondering the meaning of life and death, the wind outside whips the branches of the trees against the windows, breaking some off and sending them flying through the air.

     This weather reminds me of what the last five and a half years have been like as our family has struggled to come to terms with the loss of Kristina. We had no control over a situation that blew out of nowhere and just as quickly as the evening wind, ripped away one of the tow most important branches from our family tree. With the limb gone, the surviving three continued to feel the effects of the chaotic storm that had invaded our lives. And though the wind dies down and the tree adapts and grows upwards rather than out, the scar of the lost limb forever remains and the tree has lopsided look to it.

     Like the tree, we have been forced to grow in new directions. But the scar of the lost limb has needed care. Much like we tend to a tree that’s been damaged in a storm and paint a protective coating over the exposed core, we need to dress for the weather of our grief. That means not putting ourselves in situations that we know we can’t handle emotionally. That means not putting ourselves in situations that we know we can’t handle emotionally. That means not putting ourselves in situations that we know we can’t handle emotionally. That means being good to ourselves by dealing with our emotions as they surface, rather than letting them fester, damaging the wound even more.

     Grief, too, is unpredictable. One day we’re doing quite well and things seem sunny and bright. Then, without any apparent reason, our mood changes and we’re right back to where we were at the outset. The highs and lows of grief may be frustrating for many of us but it’s important to remember that without the lows, there would be no highs and that both are reflections of our love for our children.

     There are probably at least two more months of winter before the hope of Spring will dawn in our outside world. In terms of our inner landscape, let’s remember that Spring will come to all of us, and that the cold winds of Winter are easier faced together around the warm fire of support and friendship.

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