A Few Awkward Moments

     I remember the first time I told one of my friends I had a sister who had died and the stunned silence that followed. when neither of us knew what to say. I guess the thing that surprised me the most that day was that even I didn't know what to say. I figured, "It's my loss; I shouldn't be uncomfortable about it." But the problem was that I was extremely uncomfortable, especially because my friend was speechless. I think she was torn between not wanting to hurt me and wanting to know the details. She figured talking about Sara's death would only cause me pain, when it was exactly what I wanted to do.

     That day I decided to tell very few people about my loss. It's not that I didn't want to tell people about my sister but sometimes telling people about her almost didn't seem worth it I know that sounds horrible, but it's amazing how mentioning my sister's death always managed to kill the conversation. I really didn't want to be the cause of the uncomfortable silence that always followed my news. Of course, sometimes I didn't really have much of a choice. When someone new asks me if I have any brothers or sisters I could say, "I have one sister," and leave it at that, but what happens when that person wonders why she is never around?

     I believe the best way to tell people about losing a sibling is one-on-one. At parties, and in crowds, it's hard to tell someone serious news without everyone wanting to know, and it can be very uncomfortable if no one knows what to say. Many different people have told me that it is always best to do things in person. I don't believe that is always the case. Some people may feel more comfortable talking about losing a sibling over the phone. This way, if the conversation gets awkward, there is always a way out. I am not saying it is good to run away from things that are uncomfortable, but as with anything, people need to ease into things slowly. Maybe if the first time it's done over the phone, next time you will be able to continue the conversation, and after that it will be easier in person.

     With practice comes knowledge, and sharing private details about your life is no different. I found every time I told someone about my loss, I learned a way to deal with the shock after-wards. My sister died four years ago, and although I will always get sad over losing her, I don't feel uncomfortable about talking about her death. I find that because I am relaxed, the people I talk to are more relaxed. I still find the room gets rather silent after I mention my sister, but I also find that after a few awkward moments, the conversation resumes. Sometimes, with my close friends, the silence is almost gone.

     Life is hard, and every tragedy a person faces makes life a bit harder, and a bit more precious. Memories also become much more precious once you can no longer make new memories with a person. Some people feel more comfortable keeping their memories to themselves, but it can be a lot harder to enjoy them if there is no one to laugh and cry with over them. For me, the best reward for all the uncomfortable silences was when a person who never met my sister started calling her Sara. I have kept her memory alive, and it was worth all the awkward moments.

By: Meghan Young

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