Brain, age 22

"I want to be like everyone else but it seems as if I'm going crazy! One minute I feel I may be okay after all, and the next I'm feeling as if I'm not going to control all this anger I feel."

In grieving your bother or sister it's "normal" to experience maddening unpleasant feelings such as emptiness; confusion; irritation at your friends or family; perhaps even guilt because of your anger at the brother or sister who has died, and caused such pain to you and your family.

Such unwelcome changes in your behaviour as crying jags (or even being unable to cry), smoking too much, lack of concentration, or feelings of wants to harm yourself are also "normal" consequences of grieving.

It is also "normal" to have thoughts: of your own death, of who else will die, of being unable to live up to expectations of other or of yourself, of how your religious faith may now be failing you in this time of sorrow.

Some changes in your family members are also "normal." They may be edgy, in their own world - with no desire to talk or carry on family activities. The family may have lost its sense of 'direction' or family 'goals.' Children may become parents to their parents. And some family members may pretend nothing has happened at all.

How Bereaved Families can help you...
Bereaved Families of Ontario is sensitive to the grief of siblings who brothers or sister have died. We offer information about the thoughts, emotions and behaviours encompassed in the grieving process. We provide comfort to the bereaved. We listen. WE REAFFIRM HOPE IN A FUTURE WITHOUT THE PERSON WHO HAS DIED. WE PROVIDE A FORUM TO REMEMBER< AND TO VALUE THAT SPECIAL PERSON.

Bereaved Siblings Groups afford opportunities to talk about the shock death and to explore the impact of death upon the bereaved and their families. At bereaved Families there are staff and volunteers who, from their own experience, discuss the range of responses which are related to grief. At the Bereaved Families of Ontario, you are not alone.

How you may help yourself...
Look at your present feelings of numbness and emptiness as feelings of temporary protection from pain, anger and confusion.

Be assured that you will be able to concentrate again, laugh gain, remember your brother or sister without so much sadness and recall the good time with him or her.

How others may help...
Talk to the bereaved about the brother or sister who has died. Do not ignore the value of this life when speaking to the bereaved person. Omitting from the conversation the person who has died - as though he or she had never lived - can hurt.